Link to My New Blogging Platform

OK, so I'm happy with my blog on the new platform. Please click the link below to continue following.

If you've signed up to follow this site you'll probably need to do the same for the new one. Don't worry, from now on I'll only be updating the new one so you shouldn't be overly inundated with my musings & what not :-) 

The Bipolar Place

Back to Being Me

I had a good day today & felt more like the usual me. Work was as busy as it has been, but I was able to deal with it & take it in my stride. It helped big time in the morning that it was sunny & clear. Although I don't suffer from Seasonal Disorder I think to some degree it affects everyone.

When I got off my train I used my free Pret  coffee voucher & as I was leaving the train station I noticed a stall that was handing out free yoghurt & milk bags. It was some gimmick, but I got a free breakfast out of it & it gave me a spring in my step on the way into work. Similar to the spring in my step I feel when I nick one of my brothers cream eggs :) Cheers Dave & I'm just really thinking of your waistline...

Last Week

Last week was very busy in work. I think I've mentioned it previously, but I work in a Finance department & it is nuts at the moment, as our financial year end is up at the end of this month.

My boss has been putting the pressure on, but she has taken me to one side & told me that if I'm struggling with the workload to shout up & she'll help out where she can. It was good of her as she didn't need to do this.

Both my managers are feeling the stress & its percolating to some degree throughout the team. I just need to keep reminding myself that 1 I'm not paid enough to stress about it & 2 in the scheme of things it aint that important. I suppose more important is that if I do stress out too much it might bring on a hyper or depression cycle.

Anyway I've had a good weekend & enjoyed the sunshine in Liverpool today. Much rested & ready to crack on next week, although I'm feeling the onset of a tickly throat. Damn colds!!!

Random Interesting Stuff

This is nothing to do with Bipolar, but I just saw it linked on FB.

I guarantee you'll learn your something new every day if you click on this. Well unless you're a genius!!

Learn Here

Changes To My Blog

I've decided to move my blog to a different platform. Blogger, my current platform, has been OK, but I've had feedback & it seems its not straight forward to leave comments or follow etc...

I'll be moving to WordPress & hopefully mentioning it on this post won't encourage Blogger to delete or sensor it in strange & wonderful ways.

I'll leave a link on this blog to the new platform, once I'm happy with the new look, so you can access it easily. Wish me luck...

Scouse Language Rules For Beginners

I looked at my blog stats earlier & I've had page views from: United Kingdom, Russia, USA, Netherlands, Germany, Canada & Sweden. Still no followers yet people :-( but I'm hoping that will change. Holds breath! 

I'm a bit of a word geek & love the different words people use & how locally they can mean so many different things. I'm from Liverpool, Britain & we Scousers have some strange sayings & words. I thought I'd write down some of the ones that stand out for me. Feel free to share yours too.

Weird Words

Lah: A term of endearment. Example: "Alright lah hows it going". "Not bad lah, just off to the pics".

Gegging In: Old reference I remember being used in school to describe a tool that is pushing into a queue in front of you. Example: "Eh lah stop gegging in & get to the back". Or can be used to describe someone butting into a conversation that has nowt to do with them.

Come Ed: Simply means come over here or come on. I thought everyone said this until I went to Uni, when friends thought I was insulting them by calling them a "Cum Ed" :-)

Scouse Dialect

No word beginning with TH is pronounced as such. It becomes a D.  Example: They = De, Though = Doh.

No word beginning with a H is pronounced. So "Look at her hair over there", becomes "Look at er air over der"

Harry Enfield made "De do doh dont de doh" famous in Britain through his comedy sketches. This translates into "They do though, don't they though".

Check out the link below for "Come Head" at 1mins 42secs. "De do doh dont de doh" at 2mins 43secs. 

Harry Enfield's Scousers

Well my more than random post is over. I know, I know, 'thank god' is what you're thinking...

Too much coffee + Busy Work = Agitation!

   I've been finding work really busy at the moment & found myself writing the passage below on the train to work this morning...

   "Feeling agitated right now! I'm on the train to Manchester to get to work, trying, but failing to read my book. My thoughts keep drifting back to work & how busy it currently is. So seeing as I've read the same passage in my book five times now I thought I'd write instead to get all this shit out of my head. GGgggrrr! I haven't actually growled, as I said I'm on the train & don't want to scare the kids sat nearby.
   Just writing this is actually helping in a cathartic way.... I've had two coffees this morning, so maybe that isn't a good idea, as my agitation is no doubt part fuelled by Caffeine.
   I've a few plans to deal with my workload today so hopefully they'll help. Well the train is pulling into my stop so I better end now before I lose myself in this & end up in Norwich!!"


   So much for my plans! Only one came off, but the day was much better than yesterdays. For a start there where no 'talking to myself in the mirror' moments. It was one of those where I got lots done, but my to do list kept growing. Roll on tomorrow...

Bipolar & Work

   I've seen loads of negative posts on forums from people claiming that if you have bipolar you can't hold down a regular job. This maybe true for some people, but not everyone. I'm lucky that I only have Type 2 bipolar, the less severe type, & I do understand that those with Type 1 would find holding down a regular job much harder. I've had 9 jobs since since 1999, so you could say that I too struggle to hold down a job. However, I do believe that if you find a job with a company that can make reasonable adjustments & a team that are willing to understand what bipolar is, holding down a job is possible.

   I've been with my current organisation for just over two years. I can't really fault them, as I've had 2 bouts of bipolar, with time off work as a result on each occasion. I've found honesty to be the best policy & although I find it hard sometimes to tell people I suffer from bipolar it is worthwhile. My organisation was able to find a specialist counsellor with bipolar experience & within two weeks I had my first appointment. If I had gone through my GP for the counselling, I would have been put on a lengthy waiting list & not guaranteed a counsellor with bipolar experience.

   I was dubious at first & thought 'how do I actually know if this guy has any experience', but after giving it a chance I could see the difference & that the sessions were helping me. It was this counsellor who introduced me to writing an Alternative Journal. If you want more detailed info about it email me on bpshielsy@gmail.com

Close To The Weekend! :-)

   Sooooo glad its nearly the weekend. My week has been good up to now. I feel back in the swing of things with work & I can feel my confidence coming back to the their usual levels.

   Since I've started this blog I've had a lot of encouragement from people who have viewed it. Some have even been in touch asking for advice & although I'm no doctor, hopefully my limited experience has helped explain a few things. If anyone reading this wants to know more about bipolar or depression, feel free to contact me on bpshielsy@gmail.com. If I can't help I'l try & point you in the right direction.

   I noticed on Google its International Women's Day today. Anyone know when its International Men's Day? No ladies before you type, it isn't every other day :-)

Hope The Data Helps

   A friend of mine (No, not the only one!) from Uni has offered to input & interpret the scores I use in my Alternative Journal. Hopefully given time this will help predict my highs & lows, allowing me to plan for them rather than just react to them.
 
   Its not tested & so there are no guarantees, but even if it can help in a small way it will be a bonus. Fingers crossed...

Over The Last Week

   Compared to my last weekly post, Week Before My Birthday, this last week has been the opposite, going from bad to good. Although saying that it started well, as I enjoyed my birthday & four day weekend. However when I got back into work I was still struggling with the training I was in & putting it into practice. As with last week I was feeling self conscious about how I was performing, which led to me making mistakes & struggling to concentrate. Basically I was in an annoyingly vicious circle, with the more mistakes I made, the more self conscious I'd feel, leading me to then make more mistakes...

   I know I keep banging on about it, but I kept doing my Alternative Journal while my general mood was low. I find it helps to temporarily boost my mood as I'm able to reflect on the positive parts of the day which generally make me smile. While I'm feeling low it won't 'fix' my mood on its own, but it hopefully keeps pushing my sub-conscious to focus on the positives during the day & not dwell on the negatives. Which lets face it have already happened, you can't change them now, so why worry. All you can do is rectify the error tomorrow.

   Throughout the week I began to feel less self conscious & generally performed better. I work in a finance team & as our financial year end is approaching, the usual 'panic stations' are put in place to get everything finalised by the end of March. I've noticed over the years that as a team is put under pressure you can see the stress levels increase. Its almost like stress is a cold infecting the team & as one colleague is feeling it, a knock on effect spreads throughout the team. I've also noticed that its usually from top to bottom, so first the team manager feels it & 'delegates' the extra workload/stress throughout the team.

   I find the best way to deal with it is to be aware it is happening, step back & remind myself that just because they're acting like headless chickens doesn't mean I have to. In the past I've actually had other colleagues accuse me of being lazy simply because I'm not getting wound up in this type of situation. I shouldn't really, but my mischievous side tends to take over & I wind that particular colleague up. No, it doesn't help the team, but it does make me feel better! :-) I don't hold it against them as I know they're only lashing out because they're stressed. I even remember one colleague apologised after he'd calmed down & that was after I'd wound him up.

Grouting The Tiles

   OK, so I thought I'd update you on my bathroom wall tile exploits. As I predicted, Week Before My Birthday, calamitous was close to the mark...

   On Sunday morning after watching YouTube clips on the DIY extravaganza I thought "yeah that looks simple enough" & off to the DIY store I went. Bought the grout/tile adhesive & some sealant to go around the bath. I fixed the loose tile & sealed the bath, which looked good, even if it was a little lumpy in places. Cue the complaints from wife that she can't shower in the morning as it takes 24hrs to set.

   I wake up on Monday morning to the sound of the shower going "hhmmm" I think "that's not right." I investigate, only to find my gorgeous wife showering to her hearts content. The lovely lady has sello-taped a shopping bag over the offending tile in an attempt to make it waterproof. I could virtually hear the tile working itself loose.

   I checkout my handy work to notice that the sealant doesn't appear to have taken as I hoped. I can see the voids behind the sealant in parts & my bob the builder brain thinks "No probs, just go over it again." So I do & now my handy work is complete, if a little more lumpy... I check on my sealant later in the day to be decidedly disappointed that there are still voids showing through! Annoyed I flounce off to the gym. That'll fix the bathroom.

   I come home to notice that now there are even more voids showing, Harumpfff! The next day I think to finally check the details on the tube of sealant & to my surprise in bold lettering is the word Translucent. Its only taken me three days to realise the error of my ways. "Enough, I'll purchase some brilliant white sealant on Saturday & go over again."

Its Saturday now folks & I know I should really remove the translucent stuff, but hell I'm going for third time lucky. Wish me luck... as you can see I need it.

PS, the wife has asked me not to paint the bedroom any time soon... :-(

Bipolar WTF!

   Here's something that always makes me think & keeps me driving round that bend... If doctors can't pinpoint exactly what causes BiPolar, how can they treat it effectively?? From what I've been advised, BP can be caused, either, by a traumatic event or it is hereditary. In my case I have both of those possibilities.
 
   I've heard a lot of stories about people trying a lot of different drugs to keep their BP under control & how frustrated they feel. The fact that people have to keep trying different medications to find what works for them, reinforces how hard it is to try & control BP. I myself take Epilim Chrono (a drug used to treat Epilepsy) which helps stabilise my mood & Fluoxetine, an anti-depressant. Epilim Chrono by the way is free if you're Epileptic, but not if you have bipolar. Nice that isn't it, but I won't get started on that now! I've been on them for three years & in that period I've been off work twice extensively. So although I'm sticking with them they obviously aren't working ideally.

   I'm not trying to blame doctors for not being able to treat BP as well as I'd like. It would be pointless. I might as well blame the medical profession for not finding cures for all forms of cancer. The reason for this post is to try & explain the frustration of having & dealing with BP. I won't be able to scratch the surface on getting it across, but hopefully it will give an insight to what it's like. If your reading this & you have BP I'm sure it'll resonate with you.

   Right, well I'm off for a swim. I'm sure it will help work off my frustration :-)...

Classic One Liner From My Nephew

   I've just been reading through my Alternative Journal & one of my nephews came out with a classic line the other day, that only a kid can...

Nephew: "Mum, I'm a Scouser cos I was born in Liverpool aren't I"

Mum: "Yeah that's right"

Nephew: "Are you a Scouser too?"

Mum: "Nooo, I was born in Yorkshire"

Nephew: After a brief thoughtful look "Sooo, does that make you a Yorkshire Pudding then?"

Priceless!!

Week Before My Birthday

   Hmmm, my week hasn't quite gone according to plan... It started off well, but throughout the week I found work harder & it has affected my mood a little. I've been in training over the last 10 days & over the last couple of days I've been putting into practice what I'd learned.
   I've only been back in work full time for the last 7 days & after being off work for around 2 1/2 months I was rusty to say the least. I made numerous mistakes & I was taking to longer to get through the workload than I normally would. Not surprisingly my confidence took a brief nosedive on Thursday afternoon & I was very self conscious of what I was doing, which started to annoy me no end.
   Towards the end of the working day I reminded myself that I've got a fun weekend to look forward to. A four day weekend for a start! A meal out with the Mrs on Saturday for my Bday. A pub roast with family on Sunday & relaxing the rest of the time. Well, a part from grouting the tiles in the bathroom for the 1st time ever at some point. That should be interesting & no doubt calamitous...  Uncle Mike if you have any tips now would be a good time to call :-)

   I couldn't be bothered to, but I forced myself to update my Alternative Journal on the train home from work. I struggled to find my usual amount of positive points for work, but I reread what I'd written in the morning which cheered me up a little.

   Right, well this is my 1st day off for the long weekend & I'm already up at the ungodly hour of 06:00, so I'm off to enjoy it...

Thanks For The Help

   A quick thanks to those that have given me a few tips & suggestions. You know who you are

Busy Week

   Well it's been a busy & at times challenging week.

   Work-wise I've been doing training & as the week has gone on I noticed my hyperness spiking a little. I think it was because I was cramming my brain with new stuff & well lets face it, my brain doesn't like that if it wants to relax! I had to make sure I switched off in the evenings after work so I'd get some sleep. I was getting less sleep by the end of the week, but enough to get by on.
   I noticed my general mood dipped on Friday too, but I've only just got back into work full time & so add that to training & being busy, I reckon that is to be expected. I was able to turn my mood around in the afternoon, whilst still at work, by reminding myself that I'm not fully recovered from my recent episode & so I will get these feeling from time to time.

   I also went to a Bipolar focus group, as I mentioned in a post a few days ago, click the link to view it.
busy-busy-busy-stiff-getting-stiffer
I also found this challenging, even though it was good to do, & I'm looking forward to going again next month.

   All in all a good week, but I need to make sure I keep working to control the hyperness I might feel from work next week. Only a four day week though because I'm off on Friday. Get in!

MMmmm Food....

   I saw the link below in the metro earlier this week & applied for the free TasteCard. It gives you 50% off loads of different restaurants. I haven't actually received it yet, it can take 28 days, but looking forward to seeing which establishments I can use it in.

http://www.tastecard.co.uk/trial/metro

Busy, Busy, Busy, Stiff & Getting Stiffer

   Wow, I can't believe I haven't been on here for 5 days! I don't want all my posts to be as long as the last one so I'll keep this brief.

   For the last two days I've finally been back in work full time (10-6, Mon-Fri) & doing training, so my head is rammed right now. I'm doing good though, as I don't feel hyper on the back of it.

   Yesterday morning I went to my second circuit training class at the gym & dear god I'm feeling stiff today. I dread to think how I'm going to feel tomorrow. Visions of John Wayne after a particularly vicious cattle drive come to mind...

   Last night after work I went to my first Bipolar Focus Group. A nice bunch of people & I'm confident I'll go back next month. I intentionally left it a few years to go to one, as I wanted to make sure I understood my own bipolar before I met others with it. Come to think of it this was first time I've met other people with bipolar other than my Aunt.

Getting The Right Doctor

   OK so the last post briefly covers alcohol, this one is about getting the right Dr.

   My family Dr didn't diagnose my bipolar & wasn't at all flexible. By that I mean, when I booked an appointment at the surgery I had to book roughly two weeks in advance & even then I wasn't guaranteed to see him. Although this was the Surgery policy, when I mentioned this to him his reply was "Well we're a busy surgery."

   I find that my hyper phases usually only last for short periods, roughly 5-7 days. If I could see my own Dr within a couple of days of these hyper cycles starting, I probably would have been diagnosed a lot sooner. Instead, I had to wait either a couple of weeks to see him, (by then my mood would have changed) or I would see a Dr who didn't know me, making it very difficult for them to spot Bipolar symptoms. Since 2001 my Dr had simply diagnosed me with depression and prescribed only anti-depressants (which can be dangerous for someone with Bipolar).

   In 2009, after a particularly bad episode, I was referred (not by my own Dr I might add) to a Psychiatrist & finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder.

   In 2010, I attended an open surgery as I was having an episode and was struggling with my symptoms. I was given an appointment with a Dr who understood Bipolar & appreciated the importance of continuity of care. She advised me she would be able to fit me in whenever I was having an episode & needed to see a Dr, all I had to do was leave a message with the surgery receptionist & she would try & see me the same day. I have been under the care of this Dr now for approx a year & half & she has been true to her word. If I am struggling with my Bipolar symptoms, I call the surgery & nine time out of ten, I will see her the same day. If she is unable to see me (which is very rare) she will call me & we will have a consultation over the phone & discuss the best course of action to take. Over the past 12 months, this Dr has got to know me & my symptoms which has been instrumental in helping me manage my Bipolar.

   I've been told that Bipolar usually requires a number of visits to the Dr to be diagnosed, as the highs & lows can take years to manifest, but I do think eight years is taking too long. Therefore, I would encourage anyone who believes they may have Bipolar to see the same Dr, as they will learn to understand what your general mood is like & what a hyper/depressed mood is for you. Also, I can not stress enough how much continuity of care has helped me manage my Bipolar symptoms on a day to day basis.

   I think it is really important that you choose a Dr you're comfortable with, as you need to be open & honest about how you're feeling. Until I asked if I could switch doctors I didn't even know it was possible to do so.